Well, it's been a long strange journey, but I don't think I'll ever post in this thing again. Looking back to the original xanga I had roughly 5 years ago (which was in 7th grade I believe, I'm a junior now) I've read quite a few of my posts and the change in my personality is pretty great. It feels odd in a melancholy sort of way to reflect back and see the slip from living in innocence to the person I am today.
Maybe I was far behind what kids at that age were like; maybe I lived protected in the city town and upbringing I had. It's just real surreal to look back and see the person I was then and think about who I have become. It carries both an air of great nostalgia, sadness, happiness, and a little bit of every part of the emotional spectrum. I contemplate posting the old xanga, but maybe it's just irrelevant. I wasn't entirely happy, I thought it then, and I know it now. I was deeply in love with a girl back then that i would come to realize I would (and never did) have. I didn't have much money in my pocket, nor did I have any real need for it. I was content with the old shirts I had, and with my beat up skateboard that would eventually become a frankenstien of salvaged parts. I was really upset with myself for no real reason and I either had severe bi-polar disorder, or some sort of depression plaguing me. I still had my innocence though. I was completely innocent to the real world around me. Society, religion, the real faces hidden behind false smiles, the reality and gravity of relationships and of sex; and that simply having that someone and being good to them wasn't enough. That holding them and staring into the eyes made the world melt and sharing that moment would mean I was loved. The fact that one person could be the closest friend and companion one moment, and everything change the next.
Maybe I wasn't always happy, but I definitely lived in a state of "ignorant bliss". And there are times when I speak with my friends, and we speak of wishing to, at least for a little while, be able to see the world through the eyes that only a child can see them.
I'm more or less happy with who I am today, though I know I still have more growing to do. That was just me.. I guess the word would be "lamenting" the past half a decade.
I'm not typically as depressing as this post makes me come off, but todays just real off, and kinda cold and wet.
and I guess I feel like putting this out there, thinking maybe someone will read it, but then again knowing the truth that they won't.
ive made a few updates, but that's about it. I still have a dec. 06 picture up. and am too lazy to change it., if per chance, you come across this post
www.myspace.com/forwhomthebelltol1s
d3admanwalking@gmail.com or kylesneakysnake@gmail.com
AIM= kylesneakysnake
http://uselesstrashh.blogspot.com/
I don't really go on any other instant messager, and I don't remember my facebook.. but you can just ask me for that.
Now, I should probably get on my work. I have a seperate blogger for my journalism class I need to update, and some math to get on. Then i think I'll work out and maybe read some more of Perks of Being a Wallflower. It's roughly my fourth time through that book. It's one of the few I can enjoy going over again after reading and still enjoying it. despite the fact that none other than Kelby was the one who showed it to me.
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